This is the second reading I did for myself with the ‘Open the locked door…’ spread. This was where the name of the spread came from.
After the ‘I am/not/a woman’ spread I felt the need to forgive myself. This was what the oracle cards had pointed to as the negative outcome in my life around my issues with womanhood. Through free writing on this I came to a need to forgive myself for the doors I had locked to myself. These locked doors felt like they were also stopping me from being able to forgive. I didn’t have conscious access to the information I needed to do this.
This was where the sentence ‘Open/the locked/door’ came from. In order to bypass my conscious mind I took the cards for ‘the locked’ from the bottom of the deck in the first two rows. As in the previous reading I used the Mary El Tarot. This reading did not feel as much like a chronological narrative, although I guess it could still be interpreted that way. It feels a little more like three elements of the same issue that needed to come to light. This felt like a very clear and straight forward reading.
Open… (Page of Disks Rx) to vulnerability, feelings of helplessness, feelings of not knowing.
The locked… (Knight of Disks) my feelings of vulnerability have been locked away by my confidence. My ability to override my feeling of vulnerability.
Door… (The Lovers) this is the door that is locked to true union, to love. By allowing myself to feel and express vulnerability, letting my confidence step aside, I can open to love and union.
Open… (The Fool Rx) to making mistakes, taking wrong steps.
The locked… (The World) my ability to make mistakes has been locked away by my insistence that I am already whole. I am already complete, there is nothing missing. What is already perfect cannot make mistakes.
Door… (5 of Cups) if I am already perfect and cannot make mistakes, do not make mistakes how can I forgive myself? If I refuse to see where I have gone wrong I do not even know what there is to forgive.
Open… (10 of Wands) to courage, to righteousness, to riding above the ups and downs of life.
The locked… (3 of swords) this ability has been locked away by my fears, by my wounded heart, but this lock is in the process of opening as I am aware of it and working on it (it is upright.)
Door… (Queen of Swords) this healing, this opening to courage in the face of life, opens the door to clear sight and bold communication. This is the card of my present task or focus (I’ll post my purpose spread where this was made clear to me later.) This is the card of me opening to writing this blog. To doing this work.
I needed awareness of the two previous locked doors to achieve this though, I needed to gain awareness of how I have closed myself to vulnerability and making mistakes. It felt like such a revelation and release to see those two so clearly, to see how I had been self sabotaging through self protection. I had wounded my own heart through hiding my vulnerabilities and mistakes behind an idea of myself as confident and whole.